AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
A Tribute To My Hero
.
This is one of those things that simple words won't even do justice. Long overdue, yes, but I've been struggling for a while on just how to say this. But it all comes from the heart, and that's what matters.
I've often learned that you don't realize just how much you need something until it is taken away from you. It's sort of something I just learn over and over and don't really get used to. But when something you need is taken away from you, it's the only thing that matters to you. What's the only thing you think about when you're choking? Air. Trust me -- it's the only thing going through your mind, because that's all that matters to you and you want it back.
For the past four weeks, only one thing has mattered to me because it was something I lost and couldn't get back. I know I distanced myself from a lot of my friends, for reasons I can't really explain, and I'm sorry for that. Hopefully this post will be something like an explanation for my behavior, but in reality, it's just a tribute to one of my heroes.
Four weeks ago tonight, I realized just how precious one person was to me when she was suddenly taken from my life, and ever since I've been trying to cope with the fact that I have to live the rest of my life without her in it.
This is my dear Grandma DeVona. She was my absolute hero.
On December 31, 2012, she passed away, just one short week after having come and spent Christmas with my family. I'm so grateful that I got to see her that one last time.
I miss her, a lot. I miss her more than I've ever missed another human being, and I know that I'm going to miss her more as time goes on. With all of my other close friends who are gone right now, whether they're at school or on missions or whatever it is, I can always tell myself that I'll see them in a few months, or a couple years, but I can't say that about my grandma, and that's really hard. With my other friends, I can always skype them or text them or write them, but I can't do any of those things with my grandma, and that is also really hard.
The thing is, if I know DeVona, and it's hard not to know her, to be honest, she would probably tell me to "quit your damn whining." Haha. I can totally see her saying that right now. Anyways, she wouldn't want me to complain. We didn't even have a funeral for her -- we basically threw a party instead. Granted, I cried a lot at that party, but I ate food and hung out with my family and we called it a "celebration of life" because she wouldn't have had it any other way.
My Grandma DeVona was one of the coolest people I knew. A lot of who I am today comes from her.
She had such a unique, awesome personality. She was a health wizard, so just about every time any of us got sick the solution was usually something that she had come up with. She didn't like doctors, which is something I've inherited from her. She loved the color purple. Whenever I see the color purple now I can't help thinking of her. She knew all of the tricks about cleaning, haha, I remember she would always wash her dishes before she put them in the dishwasher. I feel like I'm really starting to inherit that cleaning gene, too, so that's something my future husband can look forward to. She told the funniest stories. I could listen to her tell stories for hours, and they would all have me laughing so hard I was crying. She was the pickiest eater I know, which is another thing I inherited from her. But she pulled it off! I always figured that anything she was willing to eat was probably safe for me to eat too. And she always made the best Divinity I will ever have. She was 4' 9", so shortness was definitely something I inherited from her, but she could easily have someone 2 feet taller than her cowering in fear. She was quick witted and smart, and you knew not to mess with her. She was always meant to be the ultimate test for my future husband. He had to gain her approval. If he could appreciate and love DeVona like the rest of us, then he was a keeper.
However, the thing I loved most about my grandma was her heart. Her love for her family was such an inspiration for me, and I could always tell that she cared about us so much. She was able to comfort me at times, in her own way, for things that maybe nobody else really could. I am going to miss, so much, getting little packages from her with homemade Rice Krispy's and stuffed with Emergen-C packets. My heart breaks knowing that I won't get letters or packages from her on my mission, but takes comfort knowing that I now have the best guardian angel in the world.
I am going to miss going up to St. George to stay in her awesome house, with the great view overlooking the Virgin River and all of her little "critters" on the cliff side that she would feed every morning. I'm going to miss all of her witty comments, all of her funny stories, all of her health advice and getting to see her every Christmas. I wish I had gotten to play Canasta with her, I wish I had gone to St. George more often to visit her, and I wish I had gone to Benjas with her and swam in her pool. I wish I had called her more often, and I wish I could have told her that she was my hero, and how much she meant to me. I wanted so badly for her to meet my future husband, I wanted her to come to my wedding, and I wanted her to play with my kids and I wanted them to grow up knowing her. I always thought they would.
And I also suppose they will. I don't know exactly how heaven works, but I believe that she's up there with them right now, and honestly, she's probably teaching them how to swear. But there is no way my kids won't grow up at least knowing about DeVona. I also know that she'll be with me in the temple when I get married, and if I'm about to marry someone she doesn't approve of I can almost guarantee she'll probably come to me in a dream or something, pissed off, and set me straight.
I know she'll be there every step of the way, watching over and protecting all of us as we continue with our lives, as we go on missions, as we get married, as we have kids of our own. I know as we all begin to take these new steps in our lives that she'll be there for all of it, leading and guiding us in ways that perhaps she couldn't have done if she were still here.
Through all of this, I've turned to the scriptures, which have often been a source of comfort and peace for me. As I've read and pondered and tried to see what to make of this, I realized that my own, personal testimony of the Plan of Happiness is what I've been holding onto. Just that knowledge that I will get to see her again, and that I know she's not gone forever, has really kept me from going absolutely insane. It was then that I realized that the Atonement isn't just for our sins. Christ died so that we could all live again. All of us. Because Christ died, I have faith that I will be reunited with my family again.
That is incredible.
That has brought me so much strength. As I've thought about this, I've realized that more than ever now I have a reason to serve a mission: to bring THIS light to people who don't have it. I want people to know about Christ so they will know about the Plan of Happiness and they will know that we will all be resurrected and that death is not the end, but just the beginning of another incredible journey. I hope this experience will be able to empower my testimony as I take it to the people of the world.
Finally, I can't help crying thinking of my incredible family: I love you all so much, and even though we are all suffering, seeing everyone try to uplift one another despite their own individual pain has been absolutely incredible. In the past few weeks I have seen the most selfless acts of service I think I've ever experienced in my entire life. You all are an inspiration to me.
A day or two after my dad got home from the hospital, we watched Lord of the Rings: Return of the King together, and this quote at the end had us both in tears:
"Farewell, my brave Hobbits. My work is now finished. Here at last, on the shores of the sea... comes the end of our Fellowship. I will not say do not weep, for not all tears are an evil."
Grandma DeVona, you have been an inspiration to my life. I have grown up absolutely idolizing you, and you have left behind a legacy that will never be forgotten. As I look at our family, I know that you have influenced all of us in so many ways. Each of us carries a part of you -- your personality, your knowledge, your stories, and your love. I will always miss you, but I cannot wait to see you again.
Thank you for being my hero.
All of my love,
Kaela
This is one of those things that simple words won't even do justice. Long overdue, yes, but I've been struggling for a while on just how to say this. But it all comes from the heart, and that's what matters.
I've often learned that you don't realize just how much you need something until it is taken away from you. It's sort of something I just learn over and over and don't really get used to. But when something you need is taken away from you, it's the only thing that matters to you. What's the only thing you think about when you're choking? Air. Trust me -- it's the only thing going through your mind, because that's all that matters to you and you want it back.
For the past four weeks, only one thing has mattered to me because it was something I lost and couldn't get back. I know I distanced myself from a lot of my friends, for reasons I can't really explain, and I'm sorry for that. Hopefully this post will be something like an explanation for my behavior, but in reality, it's just a tribute to one of my heroes.
Four weeks ago tonight, I realized just how precious one person was to me when she was suddenly taken from my life, and ever since I've been trying to cope with the fact that I have to live the rest of my life without her in it.
This is my dear Grandma DeVona. She was my absolute hero.
On December 31, 2012, she passed away, just one short week after having come and spent Christmas with my family. I'm so grateful that I got to see her that one last time.
I miss her, a lot. I miss her more than I've ever missed another human being, and I know that I'm going to miss her more as time goes on. With all of my other close friends who are gone right now, whether they're at school or on missions or whatever it is, I can always tell myself that I'll see them in a few months, or a couple years, but I can't say that about my grandma, and that's really hard. With my other friends, I can always skype them or text them or write them, but I can't do any of those things with my grandma, and that is also really hard.
The thing is, if I know DeVona, and it's hard not to know her, to be honest, she would probably tell me to "quit your damn whining." Haha. I can totally see her saying that right now. Anyways, she wouldn't want me to complain. We didn't even have a funeral for her -- we basically threw a party instead. Granted, I cried a lot at that party, but I ate food and hung out with my family and we called it a "celebration of life" because she wouldn't have had it any other way.
My Grandma DeVona was one of the coolest people I knew. A lot of who I am today comes from her.
She had such a unique, awesome personality. She was a health wizard, so just about every time any of us got sick the solution was usually something that she had come up with. She didn't like doctors, which is something I've inherited from her. She loved the color purple. Whenever I see the color purple now I can't help thinking of her. She knew all of the tricks about cleaning, haha, I remember she would always wash her dishes before she put them in the dishwasher. I feel like I'm really starting to inherit that cleaning gene, too, so that's something my future husband can look forward to. She told the funniest stories. I could listen to her tell stories for hours, and they would all have me laughing so hard I was crying. She was the pickiest eater I know, which is another thing I inherited from her. But she pulled it off! I always figured that anything she was willing to eat was probably safe for me to eat too. And she always made the best Divinity I will ever have. She was 4' 9", so shortness was definitely something I inherited from her, but she could easily have someone 2 feet taller than her cowering in fear. She was quick witted and smart, and you knew not to mess with her. She was always meant to be the ultimate test for my future husband. He had to gain her approval. If he could appreciate and love DeVona like the rest of us, then he was a keeper.
However, the thing I loved most about my grandma was her heart. Her love for her family was such an inspiration for me, and I could always tell that she cared about us so much. She was able to comfort me at times, in her own way, for things that maybe nobody else really could. I am going to miss, so much, getting little packages from her with homemade Rice Krispy's and stuffed with Emergen-C packets. My heart breaks knowing that I won't get letters or packages from her on my mission, but takes comfort knowing that I now have the best guardian angel in the world.
I am going to miss going up to St. George to stay in her awesome house, with the great view overlooking the Virgin River and all of her little "critters" on the cliff side that she would feed every morning. I'm going to miss all of her witty comments, all of her funny stories, all of her health advice and getting to see her every Christmas. I wish I had gotten to play Canasta with her, I wish I had gone to St. George more often to visit her, and I wish I had gone to Benjas with her and swam in her pool. I wish I had called her more often, and I wish I could have told her that she was my hero, and how much she meant to me. I wanted so badly for her to meet my future husband, I wanted her to come to my wedding, and I wanted her to play with my kids and I wanted them to grow up knowing her. I always thought they would.
And I also suppose they will. I don't know exactly how heaven works, but I believe that she's up there with them right now, and honestly, she's probably teaching them how to swear. But there is no way my kids won't grow up at least knowing about DeVona. I also know that she'll be with me in the temple when I get married, and if I'm about to marry someone she doesn't approve of I can almost guarantee she'll probably come to me in a dream or something, pissed off, and set me straight.
I know she'll be there every step of the way, watching over and protecting all of us as we continue with our lives, as we go on missions, as we get married, as we have kids of our own. I know as we all begin to take these new steps in our lives that she'll be there for all of it, leading and guiding us in ways that perhaps she couldn't have done if she were still here.
Through all of this, I've turned to the scriptures, which have often been a source of comfort and peace for me. As I've read and pondered and tried to see what to make of this, I realized that my own, personal testimony of the Plan of Happiness is what I've been holding onto. Just that knowledge that I will get to see her again, and that I know she's not gone forever, has really kept me from going absolutely insane. It was then that I realized that the Atonement isn't just for our sins. Christ died so that we could all live again. All of us. Because Christ died, I have faith that I will be reunited with my family again.
That is incredible.
That has brought me so much strength. As I've thought about this, I've realized that more than ever now I have a reason to serve a mission: to bring THIS light to people who don't have it. I want people to know about Christ so they will know about the Plan of Happiness and they will know that we will all be resurrected and that death is not the end, but just the beginning of another incredible journey. I hope this experience will be able to empower my testimony as I take it to the people of the world.
Finally, I can't help crying thinking of my incredible family: I love you all so much, and even though we are all suffering, seeing everyone try to uplift one another despite their own individual pain has been absolutely incredible. In the past few weeks I have seen the most selfless acts of service I think I've ever experienced in my entire life. You all are an inspiration to me.
A day or two after my dad got home from the hospital, we watched Lord of the Rings: Return of the King together, and this quote at the end had us both in tears:
"Farewell, my brave Hobbits. My work is now finished. Here at last, on the shores of the sea... comes the end of our Fellowship. I will not say do not weep, for not all tears are an evil."
Grandma DeVona, you have been an inspiration to my life. I have grown up absolutely idolizing you, and you have left behind a legacy that will never be forgotten. As I look at our family, I know that you have influenced all of us in so many ways. Each of us carries a part of you -- your personality, your knowledge, your stories, and your love. I will always miss you, but I cannot wait to see you again.
Thank you for being my hero.
All of my love,
Kaela
Thursday, December 6, 2012
A Preview of Good Things To Come
.
It really pains me that I haven't kept up on blogging. It's not that I didn't have the time, I just didn't feel like I had anything to blog about!!
Or maybe I just got hit with a nasty case of severe laziness, due to the comfortableness of my bed and the fact that college is hard.
You decide.
BUT! That time has now passed. Hardworking Kaela (who is blogging instead of studying for finals) is back! I promise. Because good things are ahead. Great things. Things that are (finally) blog-worthy.
My friends, I really hope you remember this.
Blogging Basketball/Volleyball Co-ed was such a golden thing to blog about because such strange stuff happened every day. The walk-out, the pants incident, archery...and the list goes on.
To be honest, strange stuff happens to me every day. Too much to blog about. But...yeah. Most of you should know that about me by now.
Anyways, I've been waiting for something to come along with similar potential, but it's been difficult. I could have blogged about working at Seven Peaks this summer, because that certainly had the potential, but I never had time. I could be blogging about the dorm life, but that would just be story after story of Maggie and I making weird sounds at each other, and regular complaints about trying to take a shower during visiting hours. Aaaaaaaaaaaand mission talk. Lots and lots of mission talk because that's all I really think about! So I've been sparing you, up to a point.
But I think I've found something with the golden potential that Basketball/Volleyball Co-ed had, only I feel like this will be a much more positive experience.
As of today...or maybe yesterday, or Monday or something, I am officially an employee at the MTC. The one in Provo, in case any of you were confused.
Anyways, my job is to go in at 6 AM every morning and do various custodial tasks. I would explain more, but you'll just have to wait for my first post. Even the whole interview process was blog-worthy, so look forward to that.
So, I got a job, and I'll be blogging about that soon. I'm pretty excited because hopefully I'll have both funny stories and actual learning experiences that will help me prepare for my mission that I can share on here, because those are always good.
But that isn't the only thing to look forward to! I've got ex-boyfriends leaving on missions, which means I have TONS of great stories I've been waiting YEARS to blog about. For example, The Awkward Date of Spring Break 2011. A more golden story has never been told. Failed duck hunting and manly competitiveness....good times.
Awkward journal entries from middle school about people who I've been waiting to leave on their missions? Check.
AWESOME MOVIES COMING OUT?!?!?!?!!?? CHECK.
Most importantly, though, as much as I try to make this blog funny, I'm also in serious mission prep mode, so hopefully I'll be posting more stuff on here about what I'm doing to prepare for a mission, insights about the gospel, you know, spiritual things and all of that good stuff. Which I used to be pretty good at blogging about, but like I said, I've gotten really lazy.
So be excited!! Because I am. Many good things are ahead.
Love,
Kaela
It really pains me that I haven't kept up on blogging. It's not that I didn't have the time, I just didn't feel like I had anything to blog about!!
Or maybe I just got hit with a nasty case of severe laziness, due to the comfortableness of my bed and the fact that college is hard.
You decide.
BUT! That time has now passed. Hardworking Kaela (who is blogging instead of studying for finals) is back! I promise. Because good things are ahead. Great things. Things that are (finally) blog-worthy.
My friends, I really hope you remember this.
Blogging Basketball/Volleyball Co-ed was such a golden thing to blog about because such strange stuff happened every day. The walk-out, the pants incident, archery...and the list goes on.
To be honest, strange stuff happens to me every day. Too much to blog about. But...yeah. Most of you should know that about me by now.
Anyways, I've been waiting for something to come along with similar potential, but it's been difficult. I could have blogged about working at Seven Peaks this summer, because that certainly had the potential, but I never had time. I could be blogging about the dorm life, but that would just be story after story of Maggie and I making weird sounds at each other, and regular complaints about trying to take a shower during visiting hours. Aaaaaaaaaaaand mission talk. Lots and lots of mission talk because that's all I really think about! So I've been sparing you, up to a point.
But I think I've found something with the golden potential that Basketball/Volleyball Co-ed had, only I feel like this will be a much more positive experience.
As of today...or maybe yesterday, or Monday or something, I am officially an employee at the MTC. The one in Provo, in case any of you were confused.
Anyways, my job is to go in at 6 AM every morning and do various custodial tasks. I would explain more, but you'll just have to wait for my first post. Even the whole interview process was blog-worthy, so look forward to that.
So, I got a job, and I'll be blogging about that soon. I'm pretty excited because hopefully I'll have both funny stories and actual learning experiences that will help me prepare for my mission that I can share on here, because those are always good.
But that isn't the only thing to look forward to! I've got ex-boyfriends leaving on missions, which means I have TONS of great stories I've been waiting YEARS to blog about. For example, The Awkward Date of Spring Break 2011. A more golden story has never been told. Failed duck hunting and manly competitiveness....good times.
Awkward journal entries from middle school about people who I've been waiting to leave on their missions? Check.
AWESOME MOVIES COMING OUT?!?!?!?!!?? CHECK.
Most importantly, though, as much as I try to make this blog funny, I'm also in serious mission prep mode, so hopefully I'll be posting more stuff on here about what I'm doing to prepare for a mission, insights about the gospel, you know, spiritual things and all of that good stuff. Which I used to be pretty good at blogging about, but like I said, I've gotten really lazy.
So be excited!! Because I am. Many good things are ahead.
Love,
Kaela
Friday, November 30, 2012
My Jam. (My peanut butter?)
.
I'm really sorry that I've been seriously lacking in my blogging. I don't know what it is! I'm losing my touch. I've gotta get back in the game!! Anyways, I just want to mention this really quickly. Because...it is something I cannot explain.
I've never been shy to admit that I have an unhealthy obsession with B.o.B. I've never been afraid to confess my love for the Biebs. But neither of those artists have created my official jam. I don't know why this song is my jam. Maybe it reminds me of good times. Maybe it's catchy. Maybe it just fits me like a puzzle piece. It doesn't matter what season it is or what mood I'm in. No matter what I'm doing, when this song comes on, I cannot stop myself from just...completely jamming out.
Ladies and gentlemen.
This is my Jam.
Love,
Kaela
I'm really sorry that I've been seriously lacking in my blogging. I don't know what it is! I'm losing my touch. I've gotta get back in the game!! Anyways, I just want to mention this really quickly. Because...it is something I cannot explain.
I've never been shy to admit that I have an unhealthy obsession with B.o.B. I've never been afraid to confess my love for the Biebs. But neither of those artists have created my official jam. I don't know why this song is my jam. Maybe it reminds me of good times. Maybe it's catchy. Maybe it just fits me like a puzzle piece. It doesn't matter what season it is or what mood I'm in. No matter what I'm doing, when this song comes on, I cannot stop myself from just...completely jamming out.
Ladies and gentlemen.
This is my Jam.
Love,
Kaela
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Why I Am Choosing To Serve A Mission [and it's totally for the reason you're thinking it is.]
.
The hipster deep within me says, "No....Kaela...don't blog about missionary work...that's what everyone is doing right now..." And then the other hipster within me is saying something like, "except, you've been getting excited about missionary work since one year ago today, so I guess it's okay." The truth is, I have been getting excited about missionary work for the past 12 exact months. Excited, and scared. Pretty much the way I'm feeling now, really.
Thanks to Nick Walton, I already knew about the announcement before it was made....but that only slightly lessened the shock of it. The truth is, I literally cried until I ran out of tears. I wanted to keep crying, but it was actually physically impossible. I don't know why I was crying, exactly. Lots of reasons. I know a lot of it was fear. But deep down, I know it was because I knew this was the answer to my prayers.
Why am I choosing to serve a mission? Well, right after the announcement I just got really excited and knew it was for me! I didn't even have to think about it, or pray about it, or anything! I just knew! I mean, they may as well have made it mandatory for all girls to serve, because let's be honest, who doesn't want to serve a mission?? If you don't want to serve a mission, geez, you must be some sort of heathen.
...............
My dear, wonderful, fellow female friends. Listen to me. NOBODY IS JUDGING YOU. You are loved! You are loved by your friends and family and Heavenly Father and your decision whether or not to serve a mission is between you and the Lord, and I hope you understand that and knows that everybody else understands that too. If you have never felt the desire to serve a mission, then by all means, don't go. If you are starting to think that a mission may be the thing for you, then I encourage you to prayerfully consider that and seek counsel from your family and friends and leaders. But that is totally, completely, 100% up to you. I really, really want every girl out there right now who is feeling judged or hated because of this announcement to know that this announcement was not intended to make you feel that way. Do not be angry. Do not feel hurt. There is simply no need and no place for that. The miracle of missionary work was never designed to make anyone feel second class. Also, this blog is not an attempt to persuade anyone to serve a mission. I wouldn't do that. The purpose of this blog is to explain why I, personally, am choosing to prepare for and serve a mission.
With that, I want to make a plea. There are those of us who have chosen to serve a mission, and I promise you, it is not to conform to a hype. This change in ages is a miracle, a miracle that is going to further the growth of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Missionary work is not a "new fad" that everyone is just going to "get over it" and life will go back to normal. If you have been thinking that way, I am going to bluntly encourage you to stop thinking that way...right now. Up until a couple days ago, I never thought I was going to serve a mission, but after LOTS of prayerful consideration, tears, and thinking so much it felt like my head was going to explode...here is why I decided to serve a mission.
Alma 29:9 - "I know that which the Lord hath commanded me, and I glory in it. I do not glory of myself, but I glory in that which the Lord hath commanded me; yea, and this is my glory, that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God to bring some soul to repentance; and this is my joy."
I have a strong, firm testimony of missionary work, and nothing makes me happier than seeing people being brought into the light of the gospel! Nothing would make me happier if I could devote 18 months of my life strictly to the Lord, and bringing more of His children into the gospel.
Second, I was watching Elder Holland's talk from the October 2011 Priesthood Session, "We Are All Enlisted." He was talking about senior couples being an example to their children and grandchildren...I'll admit I wasn't paying that close of attention, but there was one thing he said that struck me: "In this family, we serve missions." I realized that's exactly how I want my future family to be. I want that to be a standard within my family: "we serve missions." I know the dynamics of missionary work within families are going to change in the coming years, and when I raise my children I want to be an example to them. If my daughters choose to serve missions, I want to be an example to them and be able to help encourage them with my own experience.
But most of all, 2 Nephi 25:26 - "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins."
I want everyone to know about Christ. Simple as that.
There are about a thousand other reasons, but I don't think I'm going to share my life story on this blog. I hope you all know that this is an individual decision that I considered very, very carefully. And so I'm going to ask one more favor...I need help. I can't do this on my own. I need your support, and prayers. I need advice and counsel. Right now I'm more scared than excited but I know that I want to do this.
With that, there are some people I want to thank. First, Elder Matthew Woodruff, thank you for being the best example of a true missionary there ever was. You've been showing me what it means to be a missionary for longer than just the few months you've been gone. Watching you serve has given me so much courage and strength.
Second, my wonderful leaders, of which there are too many to name, but you know who you are, who have always encouraged my spiritual growth, and encouraged me to never give up. I miss you all so much and you better believe I'm going to be calling you up for some serious life counsel!
And most of all, my loving family. Thank you for letting me stay at home over the weekend and crying with me and giving me all of your wonderful advice. Dad, thanks for being a worthy priesthood holder so you could give me a blessing when I needed it. Mom, thanks for talking to me and giving me comfort and advice, and for being a great example. Stockton, I hope you're still cool with us putting in our papers at the same time!
If not for all of these people, I don't think I would be where I am today, and I definitely wouldn't be choosing to serve a mission. Whew! This is big. I'm scared, but I know it'll be worth it.
In advance, thank you for all of your support and prayers. And, bear with me, because this is all I'm going to talk about for the next 9 months.
Love,
Kaela
The hipster deep within me says, "No....Kaela...don't blog about missionary work...that's what everyone is doing right now..." And then the other hipster within me is saying something like, "except, you've been getting excited about missionary work since one year ago today, so I guess it's okay." The truth is, I have been getting excited about missionary work for the past 12 exact months. Excited, and scared. Pretty much the way I'm feeling now, really.
Thanks to Nick Walton, I already knew about the announcement before it was made....but that only slightly lessened the shock of it. The truth is, I literally cried until I ran out of tears. I wanted to keep crying, but it was actually physically impossible. I don't know why I was crying, exactly. Lots of reasons. I know a lot of it was fear. But deep down, I know it was because I knew this was the answer to my prayers.
Why am I choosing to serve a mission? Well, right after the announcement I just got really excited and knew it was for me! I didn't even have to think about it, or pray about it, or anything! I just knew! I mean, they may as well have made it mandatory for all girls to serve, because let's be honest, who doesn't want to serve a mission?? If you don't want to serve a mission, geez, you must be some sort of heathen.
...............
My dear, wonderful, fellow female friends. Listen to me. NOBODY IS JUDGING YOU. You are loved! You are loved by your friends and family and Heavenly Father and your decision whether or not to serve a mission is between you and the Lord, and I hope you understand that and knows that everybody else understands that too. If you have never felt the desire to serve a mission, then by all means, don't go. If you are starting to think that a mission may be the thing for you, then I encourage you to prayerfully consider that and seek counsel from your family and friends and leaders. But that is totally, completely, 100% up to you. I really, really want every girl out there right now who is feeling judged or hated because of this announcement to know that this announcement was not intended to make you feel that way. Do not be angry. Do not feel hurt. There is simply no need and no place for that. The miracle of missionary work was never designed to make anyone feel second class. Also, this blog is not an attempt to persuade anyone to serve a mission. I wouldn't do that. The purpose of this blog is to explain why I, personally, am choosing to prepare for and serve a mission.
With that, I want to make a plea. There are those of us who have chosen to serve a mission, and I promise you, it is not to conform to a hype. This change in ages is a miracle, a miracle that is going to further the growth of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Missionary work is not a "new fad" that everyone is just going to "get over it" and life will go back to normal. If you have been thinking that way, I am going to bluntly encourage you to stop thinking that way...right now. Up until a couple days ago, I never thought I was going to serve a mission, but after LOTS of prayerful consideration, tears, and thinking so much it felt like my head was going to explode...here is why I decided to serve a mission.
Alma 29:9 - "I know that which the Lord hath commanded me, and I glory in it. I do not glory of myself, but I glory in that which the Lord hath commanded me; yea, and this is my glory, that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God to bring some soul to repentance; and this is my joy."
I have a strong, firm testimony of missionary work, and nothing makes me happier than seeing people being brought into the light of the gospel! Nothing would make me happier if I could devote 18 months of my life strictly to the Lord, and bringing more of His children into the gospel.
Second, I was watching Elder Holland's talk from the October 2011 Priesthood Session, "We Are All Enlisted." He was talking about senior couples being an example to their children and grandchildren...I'll admit I wasn't paying that close of attention, but there was one thing he said that struck me: "In this family, we serve missions." I realized that's exactly how I want my future family to be. I want that to be a standard within my family: "we serve missions." I know the dynamics of missionary work within families are going to change in the coming years, and when I raise my children I want to be an example to them. If my daughters choose to serve missions, I want to be an example to them and be able to help encourage them with my own experience.
But most of all, 2 Nephi 25:26 - "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins."
I want everyone to know about Christ. Simple as that.
There are about a thousand other reasons, but I don't think I'm going to share my life story on this blog. I hope you all know that this is an individual decision that I considered very, very carefully. And so I'm going to ask one more favor...I need help. I can't do this on my own. I need your support, and prayers. I need advice and counsel. Right now I'm more scared than excited but I know that I want to do this.
With that, there are some people I want to thank. First, Elder Matthew Woodruff, thank you for being the best example of a true missionary there ever was. You've been showing me what it means to be a missionary for longer than just the few months you've been gone. Watching you serve has given me so much courage and strength.
Second, my wonderful leaders, of which there are too many to name, but you know who you are, who have always encouraged my spiritual growth, and encouraged me to never give up. I miss you all so much and you better believe I'm going to be calling you up for some serious life counsel!
And most of all, my loving family. Thank you for letting me stay at home over the weekend and crying with me and giving me all of your wonderful advice. Dad, thanks for being a worthy priesthood holder so you could give me a blessing when I needed it. Mom, thanks for talking to me and giving me comfort and advice, and for being a great example. Stockton, I hope you're still cool with us putting in our papers at the same time!
If not for all of these people, I don't think I would be where I am today, and I definitely wouldn't be choosing to serve a mission. Whew! This is big. I'm scared, but I know it'll be worth it.
In advance, thank you for all of your support and prayers. And, bear with me, because this is all I'm going to talk about for the next 9 months.
Love,
Kaela
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