Things That Make Me Cry (This might get a little weird.)

.

Pretty much, I've been raised to believe that crying is weak and I shouldn't do it. Since I'm a girl, I usually end up doing it anyways. There was one summer where I only cried twice: Once when I crashed my car, and again when somebody was being a completely irrational jerk that made me wonder what the heck I was doing...long story short, I was pretty proud of myself for not crying, at all. In fact, I considered myself pretty much, "A Boss."

Well that phase of my life is over. I've come to accept that I cry and that is a fact of life. I still try not to do it, and I've been getting better, but there are still things that make me cry. Weird things. Things that make most people cry, don't make me cry, and things that don't make most people cry, sometimes make me cry. Does that make sense?

Anyways, this is just a list of things that get me rather emotional.

• Movies: I usually don't cry during movies. But UP and Toy Story 3 manage to penetrate my iron interior. Oh, and The Help. And Harry Potter 7, when it showed all of Harry's dead friends. But that's really about it. And I didn't even cry that much. On the cry-o-meter with a 1 being "one tear shed" and a 10 being "full scale bawling" it was like a 2. I still love those movies though. As far as TV shows go, I cried during the series finale of Monk, but probably because I was watching it 1 in the morning and sleep deprivation + nostalgia = Kaela getting emotional. I'm pretty sure I also cried at the end of Lost, but mostly because when show ended I was left with more questions then answers.
• Music videos: I'm more likely to cry during a music video than I am a movie. Mostly, it's Taylor Swift music videos. "Love Story" and "Ours" got me significantly choked up. Today I got choked up during a Miley Cyrus music video, because yes, I thought it was cute. "When I Look At You." Good song. I also seriously considered crying while watching the We The Kings music video for "Say You Like Me" but only because it doubles as an interactive video game which is pretty much IMPOSSIBLE to beat.
• Books: I definitely cried my way through Harry Potter 7 the first time I read it. Hedwig died and that was it for me. I bawled my way through the entire book. I'm talking about a 10 on the cry-o-meter. Again, this may have something to do with the sleep deprivation + nostalgia equation, but regardless, that book made me cry. I can't think of any other recent ones. Oh, Tale of Two Cities...almost. Almost. I actually cried when I read New Moon and Eclipse, back in the day when I read those books. Actually I think when I was reading Eclipse I just swore and threw my book across the room. Because those were the days when I used to swear...and throw books into walls. (I've overcome that need I have to throw things when I'm angry, which is good, because my phone used to suffer.)
• Food: I'm being totally serious here. Whenever there is nothing to eat in my house, and I've wandered around for a while trying to find something that will satisfy my hunger, and I still can't find anything, it makes me cry. Mostly because nobody in my house ever buys any food except for fruit, chicken, and corn chips.
• Random tragedies: When the Provo Tabernacle burned down, any mention of it got the waterworks flowing. I think the Japan earthquake/tsunami did the same thing, that time this summer when I thought we were going to have to put down my dog...yeah. Stuff like that.
• Not pain: I just felt like I would throw this in there...but I never cry when I get physically hurt (we'll go into emotionally hurt in a second). The last time I cried at pain was when the pain was so bad that I was rushed to the ER this summer. But...that's not really a story worth telling. I didn't even cry that much then. On the cry-o-meter scale, it was about a 3. Of course now I'm about to get my wisdom teeth out, and eventually my tonsils, so I'll probably end my no-crying streak sometime soon. Grr.
• Saying goodbye: oohh man. Don't even get me started. Cry-o-meter is at least a 10, but probably higher. Anyone who watched me say goodbye to Romain can testify. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it. It's that bad. Graduation is going to be one heck of a day for me.
• Losing: In certain circumstances, losing makes me weep, about a 5 on the cry-o-meter scale. But only if I really felt like I had a very good chance of winning. I'm mostly talking about tennis, but sometimes watching the BYU-Utah game has the same effect.
• Car stuff: I always cry whenever I crash my car. And sometimes I even cry when I'm trying to park on UVU campus, or when I'm trying to merge onto the freeway.

The rest of them are pretty obvious. Fear, sadness, despair, boy problems, crumbling self esteem...although I'm much better with those than in years past. For example, I'll have a small weeping session over one of those things...maybe once a month. I know, heart of steel. Just kidding. I'm more like a trained dog. That...might not make any sense.

Oh, I forgot something else. This'll be a good one to end on.

• Good things: Things that are good make me cry the least, but overall are the best things to shed happy tears about. Graduations, random patriotism things, finding out the tabernacle is being turned into a temple, scriptures found at just the moment I needed to read them the most, every-day miracles, just overall...things that are good. I think it's safe to say that at least a few of the things I mentioned would fall into this category, like the different music, movies and books. For what it's worth, I also cry every time I laugh really hard. If somebody says something funny to me in class, I'll start crying because I'm laughing so hard. It's a gift...and a curse. (cue pang of sadness because I just finished watching Monk.)

I can't really think of any good way to say this, so pretty much...if you ever see me crying, chances are, it's not  because I'm sad, but because I'm happy about something really weird and obscure.

Love,

Kaela