Saturday, June 11, 2011

Blogging Disney: Part 2

Another day, another dollar. ... movie.

I hope people enjoyed my last post. Apparently, blogging about movies is about the lamest thing you can do, or so I have been informed. At least during the summer. Why aren't you out partying it up with your friends, Kaela? I'll tell you why. Because I hate all people. That's a lie. I have been partying with people. Blogging is just something I happen to enjoy (obviously) and confession -- I actually draw my inspiration from Mister Dan Bergstein. If he is a dude who can get away with blogging the Twilight series, then surely I should be able to get away with blogging all the Disney classics.

And so, with that introduction, I now present to you...PETER PAN!

To begin, in my last post I touched on "animated cartoon animal crushes." My current one is Simba. Kat mentioned Robin Hood, who I completely forgot about. To answer your question, Kat, Robin Hood is probably number two. He is a little too showy-offy for my taste.
The biggest thing I noticed in Peter Pan, however, is everybody seems to have a crush on him. A real one, not a fake "he is animated so I can only dream" one. And, Peter Pan is a total flirty, show-offy playa! I'm not going to name names, but he strongly reminded me of two and a half men. Not the TV show, actual people.

So I didn't like Peter very much. In fact throughout the entire movie I realized that I completely despised all of the good guys and was cheering for the bad guys. Which call me a criminal, but let's get real here. Wendy is ANNOYING.

But I'll expand on that later. When the movie began I was amazed at how crappy the animation was. I didn't remember it being that old school when I was a kid. So I checked to see when it was made. 1953. I'll touch on the significance of that in a second.

In the beginning of the movie, Wendy and her two brothers, John and Michael, all live together in a nursery. And their nana is a dog. That was by far one of my favorite parts of the movie. Kind of. The dog is like, pro at everything. It can pour drinks, make beds, and stack blocks. Wanna know what my dog does? She sleeps. She doesn't pour me drinks. And she doesn't make my bed, either. In fact, sometimes she just sheds on it. And chews on it when she is a really weird mood. I wish my dog was more like Nana.

The sad thing about Nana is that she gets heartily abused. Not like the animal abuse of today, but I think the saddest part of the whole movie is when her stack of building blocks keeps getting knocked over. Like, if my dog made an actual creation...and I'm talking building blocks, not throw up, because that's one creation I'd rather she didn't make on our living room floor...I wouldn't just knock it down every other second, just to make her sadly rebuild it. Well, maybe I would if I was in a really mean mood. Or if she got into my garbage can or something. I mean if you think about it, it would be kind of funny. Heh heh. But Nana's family simply does not appreciate their dog's talent.

Enough on the dog. Wendy and her brothers have vivid imaginations. How old is Wendy, anyways? I'm thinking she is at least 10, but probably closer to 11 or 12. And she acts more like a mother to her younger brothers than an older sister, which I guess Peter Pan seems to think is pretty hot, because he takes her to Neverland so she can be his and the Lost Boy's mother. Strange... After her and her brothers connivingly abuse her father (who has nice shoes, btw) he freaks out and tells Wendy that she is going to move into her own room.

Wendy, her brothers, and her mom -- even the dog, all freak out about this. As if it's some huge tragedy. And yeah, it does symbolize her growing up, so that's why it's such a big deal, but she is hardly growing up! I'm freaking out because I'm going to be a senior next year! And I'm starting college soon! People I know are leaving on their missions! Moving into your own room is not that big of a deal, missy. And everybody knows that it's so easy to talk parents out of stuff. So once again, everybody is overreacting and taking everything too seriously. Lighten up!

As her parents are leaving, Wendy's mother goes to close the window. But Wendy tells her not to, because "he might come back!" I never realized it before, but the look on her mom's face is absolutely priceless. Wendy "hasn't even grown up yet" and already has boys sneaking into her room?! Heh heh. Wendy explains that she just means Peter Pan, and her mom looks relieved that Wendy was just talking about someone who is imaginary. Heh heh. Ignorance FTW
So her parents leave, and then Peter Pan does actually sneak in through the window. This scene didn't really make sense, but what I understood was the night before, his shadow had escaped from him. So Wendy captured his shadow and locked it in a drawer, and now Peter came back for his shadow and Wendy wakes up and ambushes him. After he recaptures his shadow, she sews it back on.

Reasons I do not have a crush on Peter Pan.

- He isn't attractive, at all. Bottom line, his eyebrows are creepy and I think he has sharp teeth.
- He DEFINITELY isn't growing up. He hasn't hit puberty yet, so his voice is still high and he is still at that age where he should think girls are gross. I'm pretty sure him and Wendy are about the same age, though.
- He is a rude little jerk! Wendy is talking and being annoying, and so I appreciate that he would say "girls talk too much." all rudely, but still, if he is going to be a ladies man, gain some tact.
- He is a total ladies man. And everyone loves him for some reason! AHHHHH TWO AND A HALF MEN.
- And, finally, he thinks he is a lot cooler than he really is. Seriously.

For the record, if this movie was made in 1953, and the play was made in like...19...earlier than 53...then Peter Pan had the idea to sneak into kids bedrooms through windows long before Edward Cullen did. I'm just sayin.

It is in this scene that we are first introduced to Tinker Bell. And before, I always just kind of disliked her for some reason. But now I realize that she is actually completely awesome! A little psycho? Yeah, maybe. But she is spunky and has personality. The funniest thing about her is that she is completely in love with Peter. And gets jealous very, very easily. So when Wendy is a little skank lady and tries to kiss Peter, Tink goes into a psychotic rage. And...yeah. For some reason, I just thought that was hilarious. But really though, Team Tink > Team Wendy.

Eventually, Peter gets everyone to go to Neverland with him. But a serious question is posed: how do we get there? All you need to do is fly, but nobody knows how.

Personally, I would love to be able to fly. I seriously think that would be the best thing ever. And according to Peter, it's really easy. All you have to do is think of something that makes you happy. And a little pixie dust. And I'm sorry, Peter, but that doesn't work. I have thought of plenty of happy things and not once have I found myself airborne. So, thanks for the crushed dreams.

Finally, they are on their way! I wish the dog had come with them, that would have been too cool. And then I feel bad for the dog, again, and then I feel bad for Tink, again, because her man is ignoring her for Wendy, because he is a ladies man, but that's what you get Tink, for being in love with someone who everyone else is in love with.

And then we meet Captain Hook!! Who I happen to feel the same way about him as Tink -- because he is actually really awesome and funny, but always gets the crap kicked out of him by Peter. Just because he is the bad guy. The truth is, Peter is actually really vicious. He cut off Hook's hand and fed it to an crocodile. What gives?! Who freaking does that?! Psycho little kids, that's who!

As far as pirate captains go, Hook is pretty great. So, I pose the question: Who would win in a fight? Captain Hook, or Jack Sparrow? I'm thinking Jack but you also learn that Hook can defy the laws of physics in this movie. So they both have great advantages.

Hook also has a first mate, named Smee, who is pretty funny and fantastic, but I personally felt that his shirt was weird and he needed to fix it. Really though, that's all I have to say about him.

In the next scene, we are introduced to the Lost Boys. And, please nobody take offense at this, but I personally felt that they reminded me strongly of deacons. In that they have endless energy and like to destroy things. Now, in this scene, Tink is fantastic and conniving, and tells them all that there is a "Wendy bird" that Peter said they need to shoot down. So they run out and see Wendy flying towards the island, and start throwing rocks and hatchets at her. Yeah man! Peter saves her in the nick of time though, and both Tink and I were heartily disappointed. But, you win some you lose some, right?

From what I understand, NOBODY grows up in Neverland. The Lost Boys and Peter and everyone else have been there for who knows how long, and they are all the same age. Michael and John fit right in with the Lost Boys. So Peter banishes Tink for trying to kill Wendy, and then he takes Wendy to go look around the island while the Lost Boys and M&J go to..."hunt red skinned injuns"

Because this movie was made in 1953, the term "injun" was not racist then like it is now. That's what I love about old movies. You can call them out for being racist! Because this is seriously a really, REALLY racist scene!! The boys go, singing about how they are going to kill the indians (they only say injun once, but's so racist. They censored it out of Huck Finn. Heh). So violent! First Peter is feeding appendages to crocodiles, and now the Lost Boys are racistly hunting the natives! Ah!

However, the Lost Boys and M&J get captured by the indians and are brought back to their camp, where it looks like they are about to be sacrificed. Then the Lost Boys explain to M&J that this is all just a game they play with the indians, and they aren't just going to be let go. Except! The chief's daughter was kidnapped, so the chief tells the boys that if his daughter, Tiger Lilly, isn't back by sundown, then they will all die. Heh.

In the meantime, Peter and Wendy fly to a lagoon full of mermaids. And it's here that I realize that everybody on the island hates Wendy. It probably has to do with the fact that she is a girl, and all the other girls are jealous of Peter's attention, but the mermaids harass Wendy for a bit before Peter calls them out. And I'm pretty sure one of the mermaids, awkwardly enough, wasn't wearing a top. Of any sort. Just thought I'd let you know.

In the next scene, Hook, Smee, and Tiger Lily are in a...I don't even know what these places are called. A...water cave. A lake cave. A water lake. A cave with water inside of it. And Tiger Lily is probably about 8, and she has an anchor tied to her so that if Peter doesn't rescue her in time, then she will drown in the cave water lake. So I guess Hook is pretty sadistic too, but what Peter does next is just mean.

Somehow, Peter finds out where Hook is, and goes there with Wendy, and plays all sorts of nasty tricks on Hook before they actually have a showdown. But wow, he is such a show off! He kept saying to Wendy, "Watch this!" and then he would do something horrible to poor Hook. And then in comes...the crocodile.

I. Freaking. LOVE this crocodile. What do I love best about it? It's eyebrows! It's so devious! It's eyebrows will move along to the timing of the ticking noise it makes. Which I think is completely awesome. And then I love that Hook is mortally afraid of it. And anytime it senses that Hook is in danger of falling in the water, it just sits there and licks it's teeth at him. I don't know guys, that is just too cool to me.

So in this scene, when Peter is done messing with Hook, Hook falls into the water, and I think his little showdowns with the crocodile are really funny. Except they are less showdowns and more like "Hook defies the laws of physics as he escapes from the crocodile that sounds like a time bomb."

And then Peter rescues Tiger Lily, takes her back to the chief, and the indians throw a big party. And I loved this scene for one reason and one reason alone:

Wendy is running around, trying to dance like an indian and party it up with the rest of the boys, when this scary man lady stops her and says, "Squaw get em firewood!" And sends Wendy away to collect firewood while the rest of her friends celebrate and party. And while she is collecting firewood, she sees Tiger Lily being all over Peter, who is of course enjoying it, and she gets all mad and leaves.

In my opinion, Peter should be more considerate of Wendy. You know, if he really likes her and she just isn't some other girl to him. But if she is just some other girl, eh, go for it. Wendy is annoying, anyways.

So Wendy goes back to their little tree house, and mopes for a bit. Then the boys all come home talking about how great the party was, and I felt a little bad for her. Just because everybody on the island is mean to her because of nothing she has done. Peter likes her; that's completely out of her control. I still don't like her though. Not because of Peter though, but simply because she is annoying.

Now, earlier, before the party, Tink was kidnapped by Captain Hook, who has a devious plan to get back at Peter. Captain Hook slyly takes advantage of how she is angry at Peter, and how she hates Wendy, and Tink agrees to show Hook where Peter lives so that he can capture Wendy. Because everybody wants to get rid of Wendy. Including me.

And so, back in the tree house, Peter comes back. And Wendy yells at him for something about Tiger Lily, and then announces that she is taking the boys home. She sings to them about having a mother, and Peter just gets mad and goes into his room. Get a clue, Peter. He is too young and immature to try to have a girlfriend. If he was tactful, he would tell Wendy he is sorry instead of yelling at her to try getting her to stay. If they got married, I could imagine them 20 years from now.

Peter [who is wearing a wife-beater]: WENDY! WEEEEENDY!!
Wendy [who is cleaning the house]: Yes, Peter?
Wendy: Oh, Peter, can't you just fly over there yourself??
Wendy: Well then why didn't you just stay with Tinker Bell?! Or Tiger Lily!? I know about you and her, don't deny it!
Wendy: Oh Peter, don't you think you've had enough to drink by now?
Wendy: Oh, alright then.

Because Wendy is a pushover. And then Hook comes in and shoots them both.

Anyways, Peter goes in his room, and after the song is over Wendy has convinced all the Lost Boys to come home with them too. So they run out the door and then BAM! Hook and his crew have captured all of the boys, and Wendy. They take them to their ship, and Hook tries to convince the Lost Boys to join his ship's crew. And he actually does persuade them. In fact the boys seem to really enjoy being captured. But Wendy has to take the fun out of everything, and so they make her walk the plank. Except Peter saves her!

How exactly did Peter know to be there? So basically, Hook sent him a present, from Wendy, that was actually a bomb. And Peter is totally oblivious, and Tink comes, trying to warn him, but he blows her off. He only believes her when the package starts smoking, and he throws it away just in the nick of time. Except it almost kills Tink! But, when he is looking for her, he says "Don't you understand Tink? You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!" Which I thought was super cute. See, what was he thinking blowing her off for Wendy??

And so he flies to the ship and is able to catch Wendy before she lands in the water. And then him and Hook have their big showdown. And somehow the Lost Boys are able to overpower an entire crew of full grown, scary pirate men with experience. And it's down to just Peter and Hook, and Peter promises he'll make the fight more fair by agreeing not to fly. Which is pretty much just him showing off.

And they have a pretty good showdown for a Disney movie, but, of course, Peter wins. Hook falls straight into the time bomb crocodile's mouth and is chased into the sunset with the rest of his crew. Because they've commandeered the ship, Tink coats it in pixie dust, turning it gold, and it is able to become airborne and fly back to Wendy's house. What I don't understand is, if you have to also think happy thoughts to fly, then was the ship thinking happy thoughts? Hmm? Also, that is not unlike fighting off dementors. You need magic and happy thoughts to fight off dementors. So technically, if you are flying, you are also fighting off dementors?

When Wendy's parents get home, they find Wendy asleep next to the window. And her and her brothers wake up and tell their parents all about their adventures, and they look out the window and see the ghost of the flying ship. And then that's the end.

Thoughts: Wendy is bloody annoying. And I hate Peter, a lot. If I were to rewrite Peter Pan, I would make it so Tink and Hook join up and whip some shape into Peter. Actually, there are books about Peter Pan that are actually really good. I think I'm going to go read them now. They go way more in depth and I like those a lot better than this movie.

However, this movie was an original and it was a classic. And it wasn't too shabby. It was pretty exciting and had a fun plot. I'll give it a 7 out of 10, which puts the rankings as such.

  1. Peter Pan
  2. Lion King 2: Simba's Pride
Next, I'm going to watch Snow White. Stay tuned!


1 comment:

Carrots said...

Your logic about flying and dementors is only slightly less flawed than your logic about churros, elbows, and pools. But I do love your blog. :)