I've come to a realization about myself lately. This is what AP Psych is doing to me. It's making me realize stuff...about myself.
However, this insight didn't come from Psychology. It came from my computer being quirky and making me recall a memory. Actually a memory I stowed deep, deep away because it was sort of painful.
In April, I experienced what I could only call a quest that ultimately ended in many tears and about 425 dollars worth of prom dresses. That is to say, one dress. And WHY did I choose that dress? After trying on hundreds of other dresses all across Utah county?
To be totally honest, it was on a day where I decided I was officially going to throw my life away and do whatever I wanted because I didn't get chosen as editor and I felt like my life suuuuuuucked.
So, as I recalled this memory, I wondered to myself if, on a day where I was feeling a lot less insane, I still would have made the decision to purchase that dress and go about $400 more into debt to my parents. Aaaaaand that answer is a total yes. I still would have bought the dress.
That was the very first dress I tried on. And I declared it to be the best. And no matter how hard I looked, I couldn't find anything that came even close to it. So why was that a problem?
Because once I've had a taste of something good, it's pretty much impossible for me to settle for any less than that. This is the reason that after I saw an episode of Psych on Netflix, I stopped watching the show until my family got Netflix so I could watch it on my TV instead of on my computer. This is the reason why I could never go back to an iPod shuffle after having experienced the iTouch. This is the reason why I could never go back to regular seminary after having experienced early morning (even though it's pretty much impossible to wake up so early.) This is the reason that I can't eat just one Lays chip. I don't know how that just made sense to me.
The point of this is not to say "I'm spoiled and all orphans are ugly!" the point of this is to say, why shouldn't I try my hardest to live the best life possible? Obviously hard things are always going to happen...but the lesson I've learned THIS time around (as far as retarded Journalism experiences go) is that I'm not going to just give up. I'm not going to say, "all of my efforts for everything have always gone to waste." I'm just simply going to work harder. And that's my goal for college. Work really really hard. Do you think dropping 400 bucks on a prom dress was easy?? (I will admit that swiping a credit card is a lot easier than actual hard work but...you get the idea.) Sometimes, living a better life could be the difference between taking 18 credits per semester instead of 15 (although that one can probably be argued.)
This is reaching the point where I'm making more sense to myself than I am to what I assume is the general public who reads this blog (which I'm pretty sure is just Aubrey, Han Solo, and some guy in Tibet). (that awkward moment when Aubrey doesn't even read this blog. Hey Aubrey, I beat your high score on Tiny Wings! Again!!) Ahem. I'm going to wrap up now.
The point is, I'm tired of constantly (though obviously not always) settling for less. So, I'm just going to get back up on my feet and try again. I'm not going to let other people tell me that just because I'm not doing things their way, I'll never be the best. Like they say in Tangled...a lot, "Live your dream!" And that's what I'm going to do! I'm going to live MY dream, not what somebody else thinks it should me. Think about it. If Rapunzel lived Mother Gothel's dream, she would still be stuck in that tower and she never would have married Flynn and the world would be sad. Aahh I need to watch that movie.
If you're still reading this.......whew. power to you.
Anyways, the point of all of this is just to say, I'm going to live my life always trying to improve myself. I'm always going to try to be better, whether it's better at academics or it means I'm, you know, NICER to people...stuff like that...I'm just yeah. Not going to settle for any less than the best.
And part of me is saying "Um, Kaela, isn't that a bad philosophy to live by?" and another part of me is like "Yeeah sister keep philosophising!" So....I'm just gonna go to work now.
Here is a picture of a sea lion. Don't read too much into it.