Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Plan A

So, I saw Thoroughly Modern Millie this weekend. And, it was like the 3rd time I've seen that play, so it really wasn't that big of a deal. Actually, it was a really big deal. And I tried to proceed with caution, and it didn't work.

If that didn't make sense to you, don't worry too much about it. I don't really know how that intro really applied to the bulk of what this post is going to be about.

I was reading in my journal a week or two ago and I came across some day in, March...I think...where I made a list of the guys who I would potentially marry. It went Plan A, to Plan A-...all the way down to plan F. While that's more of a freshman sort of a thing to do, most of the men on that list weren't very realistic. Like David Archuleta was plan D. As if that's going to happen. He's famous, right?

So as I read on I noticed that some potential future husbands would move up, others would move down, but my plan A always, ALWAYS stayed the same. And who is plan A, you might ask?

My friends, Plan A is, and always has been none other than Justin Bieber.

You may laugh, but The Biebs is totally my type. And here is a list of just a few reasons for why Justin has always stayed Plan A.

  • If I married him, then technically I could be "The Biebs" too. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing though.
  • He's short. I'm short. He's still taller than me. By...5 inches. Justin Bieber is 5'5". I don't think I've ever liked anyone taller than 5'9". I want to keep shortness in the Carter gene pool.
  • His voice is like a thousand angels. From "Baby" to "Drummer Boy" I've never been disappointed with his melodious tunes.
  • The kid is freakin G.  I don't know any other white, 5'5" human who gets to hang out with Usher and Busta Rhymes. Also, he can shuffle.
  • Drummer Boy This song alone is a really good reason to marry him. Seriously. I'm not going to tell you how many times I listened to it on repeat on Saturday while I was cleaning my room. And if I never answer my phone anymore, it's because this song is my new ringtone...and sometimes I just like to jam.

  • Have you ever heard any of his songs? I would love nothing more than to be his "one less lonely girl."
  • The movie: Never Say Never. It's pretty much one of the greatest movies ever made. He's such a great kid! You can't watch that movie and NOT agree with that statement. I think one of his concerts would be so crazy. He's just this 17 year old who likes to jam. I don't know, it's pretty cool.
  • The obvious. Justin Bieber is extremely famous and extremely rich. I'm not saying I'm shallow, but it would be pretty cool to fly around in a private jet...with a giant picture of Justin's face on the side.
So yeah. As far as marriage goes, I'll find some way for him to fall for me, and then we'll live happily ever after.

And for those of you who are still reading.....

To be totally honest, as I was typing all of this, I realized that most of these weren't exactly truthful. While Justin Bieber is totally G, and I like my men on the shorter side, and Drummer Boy is the greatest Christmas song ever written, I just couldn't make it with him. First of all, he is madly in love with Selena Gomez, and I just can't compete with that. Second, I think being in the spotlight all the time and getting numerous death threats from crazed fans would get old after....about 4 seconds. And, Kaela Bieber doesn't flow very well. 

But seriously, if the opportunity came up, I think dating him would be a freakin party. He'd write songs about me, we'd probably get engaged, but then I'd break it off because I couldn't possibly not get married in the Provo Provo Tempernacle (or whatever they're going to call it...), then he'd write a bunch of songs about how he wants me back, and all the tweenage girls would listen to it and cry about their sad love lives, while simultaneously tweeting to Justin Bieber that "he's better off without me." The he would tweet something like "Thanks for the support, I LOVE MY FANS! #SWAG #LEGGO" Because that's pretty much all he ever says on Twitter. Eventually, he would go to a party with all of his rapper friends, and get some really good life advice from his BFF Usher, and he would realize that life could actually go on without me. Then I would get married, and my husband and I would have to go into hiding because of all the crazy teenage girls who would want my blood for breaking Justin Bieber's heart. If I date Justin Bieber, that is EXACTLY how it will happen.

So...as long as Justin and I are still both unmarried...I'll keep telling myself that the Biebs is Plan A.

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