Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Kaela's Not-So-Realistic College Guide: Chapter 2. "The Underage"


I really don't know if I should call this chapter 2 of my unofficial not so realistic college guide...because it mostly plays off of my first "chapter." But since this is both unofficial and not so realistic, I guess it doesn't matter.

Go and read this.

Now let me recap. I am in two institute classes, the first being the second half of Book of Mormon, and the other being the Teachings of Thomas S. Monson. There are tons of married people in that class, and it is a little unnerving.

I really like it though. And I like my Book of Mormon class even more. Mostly because Brother Knowlton is AWESOME.

However, you should remember that I met someone who I referred to as a marriage hungry RM. HRM. He seemed very interested in me, and it scared the Schachter Two-Factor out of me. So I sketched out a list of ideas that I figured would be effective in scaring off a HRM. Today, I am going to tell you just how effective the "Underage" really is.

The thing about the Underage is that it probably doesn't happen that much in college. In this poor guys defense, he probably thought he was perfectly safe hitting on a girl in a college institute class.

Here is how our conversation went:

HRM: So did you go to FHE last night?
Me: Ummmmmm...nooooope.
HRM: Oh you bad girl. I'm in charge of all of the FHE groups.
Me: -thinking- geez how old is this guy? Yeah, I don't have an FHE group.
HRM: Oh, so you are in a family ward? Are you in primary?
Me: ok i'm not THAT young. Haha...no...

At this point, I knew what was coming. And I was trying so hard not to laugh just from the anticipation.

HRM: Haha! I meant do you teach primary?
Me: Oh, no. I'm in young womens.

What happened next was so priceless, so hilarious, that I do not know what part of my brain kicked in to keep me from completely losing it. The look on his face was one of shock, disgust and confusion. I thought to myself, my work here is done.

Recall that I said this method should be highly effective. And in most cases, I'm sure it would be. However, my story is not over.

I was walking out of class, and the HRM started to walk with me. In his confusion, he started asking questions: "So, is this your first semester in college? Did you graduate early?" I told him that this was my second semester in college, and I was graduating high school this Thursday. I kept playing the Underage card, and talked a lot about being a college freshmen at BYU, because it seemed to make him more disgusted. But when he told me I was making a mistake living in the dorms as a freshmen, I wanted to punch him in the face. And then he said something else, and I literally almost threw up.

"Yeah, I graduated in 2004. That means you must have been in 4th grade when I was a college Freshmen!"

Desperate to keep up the young card, I just said "yep, you're right!" and then I said goodbye and went to the library. That's when it hit me. This guy must be at least 10 years older than me.  I literally started gagging. I've already said that people who are at least 4 years older than me hitting on me makes me uncomfortable, but TEN?!!?!?!?!?!?!

This is where things started to make sense. It didn't matter that I was jailbait because I was turning 18 soon and for a guy who is basically an old man who really wants to get married, age differences like that simply don't matter.

The moral of this story is, The Underage still, theoretically, should work. And the looks on the faces of those you use it on is seriously one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed. But sometimes, the underage is not effective. At this point, it seems like if even the Underage won't work, it needs some reinforcements. I am not just giving up on this challenge. So next week, I think I will try to combine it with either the "I'm Waiting for Someone" or "I Have a Child." Stay tuned!


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