In the grand scheme of things...what really matters? We go about our lives every day worrying about the dumbest things. Earlier today I was mad, because if it weren't for Physics, I would have gotten a 4.0 this term. But in the grand scheme of things, does that really honestly matter? People get so upset over the stupidest things, like someone said something insulting, or oh my gosh he hasn't called me in a week. But I say again...does it honestly matter? One 4.0 isn't going to affect the entire cosmos. One phone call never made isn't going to set the course for eternity. So then what does matter?
Us, people, a human life. Families.
I've never been up close and personal with death. But when it hangs over your head like a dark rain cloud you can't not think about it. And as I've been thinking about death I've realized that with death there always comes regrets. Especially untimely deaths. Or maybe it isn't a death. Maybe your friend is in danger. Maybe one of your family members is sick. And all these regrets come to you. WHY wasn't I closer to that person? Why didn't I get to know him better? And of course, the classic, what could I have done to prevent this?
There are tons of things in this world that just happen. We can't prevent them. There is nothing you, personally, can do to prevent a friend from getting cancer. There is nothing I could do to prevent someone in my family from getting hit by a car.
There is nothing we could do to prevent those things. Not always and consistently, at any rate.
But there is always, ALWAYS something we could have done better. That's like my personal motto: what can I do better? How do I fix it? Sometimes, we can't fix it. But again, there is always something we could have done better.
The simplest of that being just getting to know someone. Saying hi to them, smile at a person and make their day. I know we always hear these things but they're true.
Suppose your grandmother died. She was old. But don't you have that regret that you didn't get to know her better? Don't you wish you were closer to her? That time that your parents told you to call her and thank her for the $20 she sent you for your birthday, but you didn't because you were too busy checking your facebook. Or you thought, "she won't care if I don't call." But wouldn't you like it if somebody called you to thank you for a present, no matter how small it is? Or thank someone for being your friend. Live these moments while you have them, people.
As I said before, in the grand scheme of things, what really matters is life. People. Us. Humans. As dumb as we are, we need to stick together. And regrets. My biggest regret? Why didn't I just get to know him better? But not just him, everyone.
The fact is, I'm just stupid shy. But I see all these people around me and think, "wow, all of these people are so cool." And seriously, there is not a person on this planet that I look at and think "ew, I do not want to be friends with him." or "I don't think she deserves to be friends with me." I really don't think that. Everybody is so amazing! Everyone is so unique and different. Everyone each has all of their own different quirks and things that make them the fantastic person that they are.
And now that I'm here, praying and hoping and wishing that everything will go right for someone I'm not even very close with, I'm regretting with every fiber of my being that I wasn't just a little more outgoing.
If this has taught me anything, it is that each and every person is important. And I've been much too lazy. It's taken me a whole 16, almost 17 years to realize that the worth of every soul really is great in the sight of God. EVERY soul. While that verse has always been a comfort to me I really see now that it's not just saying, "Hey there Kaela, don't be sad, you have worth." It's also saying "Kaela, EVERYBODY is so, SO important. Don't you dare forget that." And I won't. Wow. If I've learned one thing from this, it is that I have got to stop taking people for granted. For heavens sake, I need to get to know people. So that this never, EVER happens again. So that if somebody I know and love is in trouble, or if their life ends tragically, that I'll never have to say to myself, WHY didn't I get to know him better? So that while I mourn for the loss, I can still be able to celebrate that I was able to be a part of that person's life.
But not just a part of that person's life. A constant friend to that person. Every time you say to someone, "oh I haven't seen/talked to you in forever" do something about it! Do you want to live with the regret that you could have spent with that person. I'm not saying that all of our friends are just going to drop dead at any moment, I'm just saying, live every moment like it's yours, or their last. I know everyone always says that and I don't mean for this to be morbid at ALL. I'm just trying to prove a point. Don't do stupid things that you'll regret. Don't hold a grudge. Don't get mad at somebody for something stupid. Like I said, in the grand scheme of things does it honestly matter anyways? Don't skimp out on your friendships and relationships. Don't just waste a friendship because of something like jealousy (which I have already soap boxed about) because, yet again, in the grand scheme of things...IT DOESN'T MATTER. What matters is there is not a person on this earth who will lose a friend and think "gee, I wish I hadn't been as close to them as I was."
So from now on, I'm going to be different. Right now I feeel like I'm just saying that everything I've been thinking really needs to come out. Instead of just thinking somebody is really cool, and wishing I could be their friend, I need to go for it. I need to tell them, and then try to get to know them better. Does that make sense? I never want to have to live with this kind of regret again.
In the grand scheme of things, in the entire universe, I hope what I've said here will be an insight to at least one person, other than myself. But in the grand scheme of things, I also won't be offended if people read this and think "wow, Kaela is nuts."
Maybe it is a little weird for me to have reacted so much about somebody I didn't even know that well. But maybe that's why I'm reacting the way I am. Because whenever I saw him in the halls at school or sat by him in church I thought, "wow, he is so cool. I really wish I could get to know him better."
So that's why I wrote this. Half is regret that I didn't get to know him better, and the other half being an earnest prayer that everything will be okay for him, and especially his family.
So just live life, don't waste it, and don't take people for granted. Because in the grand scheme of things, that is what really matters.