Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Guilty Pleasure That Will Inevitably Screw Me Over


Let's face it, my fellow 2 Y-chromosomed friends. There is an epidemic, and we are all as good as dying from the disease that is


Except I'm not here to whine about how much time I waste on Pinterest because I've actually kept considerable control of myself, considering the fact that I now have the resources to sit on my bed while simultaneously blogging and pinning and wasting my time (which is actually exactly what I'm doing right now, but I'm on vacation so it doesn't count). I will not turn to the dark side that is laziness.

So I vowed when I signed up for Pinterest that I wouldn't waste too much of my time. That being said, a person (such as myself) could argue that Pinterest is like evil incarnate. It's all about coveting crap you'll never have.

And so, I placed a mental destroying angel in front of the Weddings tab because I knew if I looked there too often I would start turning heavy objects into projectiles. Because seriously, it's like a plethora of "If You Ever Find A Man As Great As MINE Then Your Wedding Still Won't Be As Adorable As Mine Was So Go Cry Into A Pillow You Sad Lonely Child."

Actually, for the record, I am never getting married. That's not true. But I have no desire to any time soon. In fact if I ever try to get married too early, kidnap me so I can't. And if I try to get married outside the temple, burn down my house and kidnap me so I can't. And if I'm trying to get married too early outside the temple, kidnap me, burn down my house, and kill my dog. I'm just kidding on that last one. If you kill my dog, I will burn your house down.

Bottom line, I learned my lesson when I spent an hour on the Weddings tab the first day I signed up for Pinterest. And I promised never to do it again.

That being said, I discovered a new tab to obsess and obsess and obsess and drool over.

The foods tab.

This is the only time I will ever say this, in fear that some ugly man will try to marry me just because I said it. But here goes.

I LOVE to cook. Finding new recipes for foods that sound beyond delicious is like a sick pleasure for me. I discovered the food tab on Pinterest a few days before Christmas, which led to happiness from my relatives. I was told my rolls were 'decadent.' I didn't know what that word meant, so I just smiled and said thanks. In fact I still don't know what that word means, so I hope I did the right thing...

But, I'm not here to brag about how I can arrange ingredients so that they will taste good. Because for all we know I could be a terrible cook and decadent actually means revolting and everyone else is just trying to make me feel good.

 I'm here to say that I'm ADDICTED. This whole finding recipes on Pinterest is making me crazy. There is so much I want to make!! There are a few problems with this. I'm not a huge fan of eating. Well, I am. I can eat a lot if I really have to. Like if someone challenged me to eat a giant hamburger, I would, because I have a reputation to keep up with. But I don't cook because I like to eat. So I usually don't eat the stuff I make. Sometimes my family does, but usually they are all "don't cook or we'll get fat." So now, thanks to Pinterest, I have all these recipes I want to try and nobody to feed. Life is cruel.

I make food because I want other people to eat it. And I'll use any excuse I can come up with. Usually it's because I owe somebody a favor. For example: "Oh you broke your leg? Here are some cookies. I crashed my car and you're letting me leave work for a few hours and then come back? Here are some cookies. Oh it's Christmas? Here is a giant feast. Are you sure I can't cook the turkey? Well then I'll just make these rolls. Aha! Now you're wishing I had cooked the turkey."

Anyways, I love it when I cook and then other people eat my food. But what I love even more is cooking with other people. For some reason nothing is more fun to me than cooking with other people. Dates, hanging out, making food for various school projects, you name it. Cooking with friends is like the funnest thing in the WORLD for me. Some of my best memories come from making food with other people. Morp, the various times I made curry (including the chicken incident), making cookies with Aubrey and Kate when my dog ate them and we did NOT go on the roof...see what I mean? Just thinking about all of this is making me happy. And hungry.

See why men I date can't know about this? They'll be all "make me a sammich!" and then I'll be all "screw you!" and it won't end well. So don't tell anyone, okay?

So now, thanks to Pinterest, I have all these crazy desires to get married and feed people. I'm turning into a stereotype wife and I'm still 17, single, and living under the impression that I will probably be raising a family of dogs and ferrets (they are cute and wriggly, I don't care if they smell bad.)

This sucks.

P.S. I'm also totally serious about all of that stuff about burning my house down and locking me up.

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