Blog Archive

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

To Have A Lizard For President


This evening during dinner, my family ended up talking about politics....again. I normally hate talking about politics, because...they're confusing. And boring. And make people angry...

However, since I get to vote in the upcoming election (yay!) I've decided that saying "I'm voting for so and so" instead of "if I could vote, I would vote for so and so" is secretly exciting. So on rare occasion, I'll briefly talk about politics.

Right now is one of those times.

So I know this could get kind of controversial, but bear with me. Once I get a good idea for a blog, nothing holds me back.

So today at dinner we ended up talking about Mr. Newt Gingrich. And, whew. Even saying his name makes me laugh. Newt? Who wants a lizard for a president? Also there was that thing about him being the only speaker of the house to be disciplined for ethical violations....yeah.

So I created a list of people I would rather vote for than good ol' Newt.

Roger Federer: Okay, so I'm not necessarily the biggest fan of this guy, but he plays some pretty good tennis. In fact I'm pretty sure he never loses, so voting him for president just makes sense. All of that national debt? It's taken care of with all of his grand slam winnings. He might even pass some law making it mandatory for the states to build tennis courts in all of their schools. That is called a categorical grant-in-aid. (I learned something in my Government class today! It's a miracle! I blame the strawberry lemonade. More on that in another blog.) Anyways, I know Federer isn't an American citizen...but he is decently attractive, and he plays tennis. Which is good enough for me. (Andy Murray is good too, but he needs to step it up and represent the U.S. a little better. Guess who really wants to watch the Australian Open?? Meeeee!!!!!)

Ben Flajnik aka The Bachelor: Ben is great. I'm really loving getting to know Ben, I feel like we have a great connection. Ben is a wonderful man. Ben is really good at making decisions. In all reality though, Newt is really that bad that I would rather vote Ben for president than Newt. Every time Ben says "I really like Courtney, I think she is a great, strong woman. I like kissing Courtney." I want to vomit up my LIFE. Not just because Courtney is evil incarnate but mainly because Ben is super retarded. Every time he says "I like kissing so and so" I want to break his legs. Everything he says is a joke. I still want him to marry Kacey B though. Or Lindsey. No! They deserve better! AAHHHH.
Ahem. That is beside the point. Ben is pretty much a GIANT man whore and he would still make a better president than Newt.

My George Foreman Grill: 

Also, it makes a great footrest.

And now for some honorable mentions...

Snoop Dogg: Here is a brilliant artist who would love his country more than his own weed. And my friends, that's saying something.

Mrs. Sweetwood: Only the best Statistics teacher around. If you've ever sat through her class, you can tell that she really knows what's up.

Me: This is the girl who sleeps, blogs, and tweets through her American Government a boss. And if it comes down to it, and I really have nobody else to vote for, I would totally write in my own name. Anybody else is of course free to join me. ;D

And that's my political post for the day. Week. Month. Yeah. Enjoy your lives!


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